Sunday, 14 November 2010

one step forward, two steps backwards.

This past month and a half has gone by SO quickly... It's amazing how time escapes through your fingers like sand when you're busy. I changed university meanwhile, I'm in what's supposedly the best in the country - it's what I wanted all along, once again pursuing my need for perfection. But, I've learnt a lesson. I don't have to be strictly perfect or completely at lost. There is no need to be all or nothing. It's okay to try my best and fail sometimes, and move on to better things than punishing myself.
I'm starting to relate more to people at uni, but while we're not the best friends ever, we're starting to get quite close; whereas my 'old' friends are rather distant. I think my disordered thinking pushed them away quite a bit... We met for dinner for one of my friend's birthday and leading up to the event we all exchanged texts about how excited we were and that we needed to talk, etc. However, at the actual dinner, once my friends saw me (some of them, at least, I'd say the most important) they weren't as radiant. One of my friends actually said 'You need to gain some meat, girl! You look like a stick with nothing, no boobs, no butt, ...'. She may be right (okay, she is), but the way she said it... And then my best friends sat at the opposite part of the table and when I went to talk to them afterwards, all they talked about was how I probably didn't eat now and tried to guess what I did eat.
I know I sound terribly whinny, in my defense I really don't have anyone else to talk about this with, consider yourself as my therapist, seeing as I don't have one. It really did hurt. Badly. I was looking forward to have an amazing time (which I did with other friends, but not with my closest friends, the ones I missed the most) and instead was shun out. Anyway... I guess I could show you some of my eats.
My autumn snack of pomegranate kernels with greek yoghurt and cinnamon.
More pomegranate on the side... I honestly spend HOURS extracting those kernels. It's so relaxing! And very yummy in the end :)
 Can't get enough of it - quick wholegrain oats with flaxseed and an egg white cooked in, and cinnamon on top. Blackberries were added mid devouring.

Lunch after classes: spinach & tofu fillet, boiled carrots and rice noodles, all generously drowned in shoyu.
Hmm... Rice noodles with shoyu and freshly ground black pepper = Love :D

Not much, I know. I haven't took on the 'photographing my every meal' fully, yet.
I feel like I'm progressing in my recovery - I'm eating more now. And although this sounds extremely vague I'm starting to feel more and more at ease with my weight gain goal. Since I'm not terribly underweight, I'm also going to try and get into fitness more: today I signed up for a run on December 26th (right after Christmas!) and I'm really excited. There's a 10K and a 3K and although I'm not exactly out of fitness (I do ballet 3h/week and sometimes Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred), I don't think I'll be ready by then to run a 10K, so I signed up for the 3K to see if I can take up running. I'd really like to make it a regular thing, I really love running but never managed to do very good times because I'm always short of breath.

See ya, <3

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